Sunday, May 29, 2011

the pirate story...

.... mostly just for Mom and Dad, but the rest of you can enjoy it too.

About a month ago I had the kids at Sam's.  Ella Margaret was in the Baby Bjorn while Ethan and Emory were in the double cart.  I'm pretty sure I had not yet had a shower and had thrown something random on since we were mostly hanging out at home that day.  Anyways... we were standing next to the lunchmeat making our selection when Emory announces, "Hey Mom.  Look!  A pirate."  I naturally start to half-heartedly scan the packages close to me to see what she's talking about while I am bouncing in order to keep the bjorned baby happy, trying to keep Ethan from spilling his "example" (what Emory calls samples), and make a wise choice in the lunchmeat we'll be eating that week. 

I can't find a package with a pirate on it so I decide to ignore her.

Again, "Hey Mom.  Look!  A pirate."

I decide to "come to" out of my lunchmeat-selecting-while-tuning-out-the-incessant-chatter reverie, and respond with a "What, Emory?" 

Again, this time pointing behind me, "Look, Mom.  A pirate."

I glance behind me and there, sure enough, is a gentleman pushing a cart and wearing an eye patch.

Emory asks, "Can we go over there and say 'Argh' to him?"

I whip my head around so fast that the wind my movement creates almost knocks the 1/4 of a bagel bite out of Ethan's hands and hiss, "No we can not go over there and say 'Argh" to that man."

My reaction was a big mistake because now my eldest child senses my fear and she, being who she is, will exploit this and make me regret not playing it cool. 

"Why can't I say, 'Argh' to the pirate Mommy?" only this time her voice is a mite louder.

Now my voice has dropped to a whisper, "Because he might be sad that he has only one eye."

"Why is the pirate sad, Mommy?"

"He's not a pirate!  And, wouldn't you be sad if you only had one eye?"

"Why does the pirate only have one eye, Mommy?"  again, a little louder than before.

"He's not a pirate!"

"Can I ask the pirate why he only one eye?"

"He's not a pirate! "  then thinking that the best tactic is to just divert the attention off of the "pirate" and onto something else I ask a little too brightly, "Who want to go get some yogurt samples?".

At this time the gentleman passes us, and as fate would have it, Ethan has finally finished his 1/4 of a piece of a bagel bite example, looks up and upon seeing the eye-patch hollers out, "Yo ho ho!" 

Moral of the story? God gives us children to keep us humble.


Rachel said...

That made me laugh out loud! And feel your pain, all at once. Kids are awesome, aren't they?

Lindsey said...

We almost woke up the kids laughing so hard! I can see it all!!!

Anonymous said...

absolutely hilarious!!!