Thursday, February 7, 2008

Before the throne...

So, today was "one of those days". I could tell from the moment I greeted Emory this morning that she was feeling quite testy. Don't you just love those days? The ones where you walk into your child's room, ready to greet another day, you smile and say "Good morning!" and your toddler scowls and shouts "NO!". That's how today started.

To top it off, I woke up not feeling quite like myself either. I'd overslept and not gotten a chance to either run or read my Bible. Both of which I desperately need to get my days started well. I always feel slightly off balanced when I sleep through my alarm. And, Jackson was coming to play today. Don't get me wrong. I was not dreading this. I was just worried about the Emory factor. She gets grumpy when people touch her stuff and I could tell she was not in the mood to be gracious.

So, yes, true to my inkling, before Jackson even arrived, we'd had a time-out and a couple of show-downs. All of which threatened my blood pressure. I found myself crying out to God that He could not do this to me today. "I can not be left in this mood, so change me!" is how I began my prayers. Yeah, really effective, huh? As Eric left for work, I begged him to pray for my attitude today so that my daughter might survive until lunchtime, which is when we would see daddy again.

And, God was gracious. The morning passed without major incident. Emory was still grumpy, but I was able to handle her behavior and only get irritated and not out and out angry with her. Naptime came and went, and I must have stopped praying somewhere in that time because the bottem fell out when Emory awoke. And we like to have never recovered. After sweet Jackson (who was a model child today!) left for home, things really got ugly. A series of events so unlovely that I will not subject you to them, finally culminated in my jerking the paci out of my daughter's mouth, looking her square in the eyes, and saying in a more "firm" than normal tone, "That is enough!" I tossed the paci in the crib and was finally jerked back to my senses by my daughter's howl, which had taken on a drastically different tone. Instead of the "I'm cranky and don't really know what I want." she had begun crying in an "Somebody save me from her." fashion. Bad, bad mommy!

So, we plopped down in her rocking chair. With hearts breaking and both of us crying we prayed. My sweet daughter even folded her hands and spoke along with me (I wonder what she was praying?!). How did it get so out of hand this afternoon? Why did it take hurting my daughter's feelings before I thought to pray with her? Why is it always after the fact that I think: we could have sung a hymn, we could have walked outside, we could have prayed, we could have....?

Since "the epsiode" I have been singing Before the Throne of God to myself and sang it to Emory before laying her down tonight. It is my prayer, and has been for a while, that in those intense moments of need that I would be more quick to run to God in prayer or in song. Here are the words to Before the Throne:

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there! The risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless, Righteousness
The Great unchangeable I AM
The King of Glory and of Grace
One with Himself I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God

What do all you other mommies do in your time of need?

1 comment:

Philip and Renie said...

I take up drinking. CHAI TEA! (Shame, shame, Sarah).