Thursday, June 24, 2010

feelin' dusty...

... Psalm 103:13-14 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."

So, yea, I'm pregnant.  And, no, we weren't "planning" this right now.  Don't get me wrong.  We did want more children, just wanted them a tad later.  Yes, I am excited.  Yes, I am overwhelmed.  Yes, I am scared.  Yes, I am happy.

No, I am not scared because my Ethan and Ellis (baby #3, boy or girl) will be "close".  I am scared because I am discovering how frail I am.  Spiritually speaking.  I do want this baby.  I am not afraid of what it will cost me in terms of physical labor, time to myself, and room in a tiny house (remind me of this in about 30 weeks!).  I am afraid of failing my children.  And my husband.

There are so many days when I feel inadequate with the two I have now.  I answer questions more irritatedly that I wish I did.  I wave my kids off more frequently than I should.  Emory hears, "Just do what I told you to do!" far more than any child should.  I let exasperated sighs escape when I tend to Ethan's dirties, or when he just needs a cuddle off my time-table.  Geez.  Who wants a mama like that?

Yet, I have the promise of the Spirit of God to refresh me when I am weary and no one seems to be cooperating at bedtime.  I have the promise of the Spirit of God to fill me with joy and come up with some way to make my children laugh when I am feeling more sour than a Tear-jerker.  I have the promise of the Spirit of God to grant me wisdom when the big girl is acting out for attention, yet the baby has had seemingly none for days.

And, I have a delightful husband who will take a 2am feeding.  Who doesn't complain when dinner is a PB&J, as long as it is served with a smile.  Who gives the kiddos a bath and handles bedtime while I play on FB.  Who doesn't mind hunting down his clean clothes out of the dryer.

So, I close with Philipians 4:13, for Pete's sake... "I can do ALL THINGS through Him who gives me strength."  (I'm guessing this means even juggling 3 kids in a 3 bed/1 bath house!)


Rebecca Brown said...

We are REDEEMED dust, girl! And God is perfectly faithful, infinitely more than we are. Thanks be to Him that it is HIS faithfulness that we rest in and not our own. No, you can't do this. But He already did. His will WILL be accomplished in your life and the lives of your children! And He will meet you in your need as you have need. Rest well, friend!

Katie said...

Wow Sarah! Congratulations!

Beth Pruitt said...

Congratulations! It will all be ok!
It's been too long since we've seen you! Parker just looked at the pictures of Emmory and Ethan eating lunch and said "I forgot that Emoory had a baby!" We need to get together - soon!