just for posterity's sake...
Her favorite color used to be blue, but now it is red (just like momma).
She loves the wind (just like momma).
She loves raspberry yogurt (just like momma).
I feel this incredible pressure to be an amazing woman because all of the sudden I feel my daughter's eyes on me ALL THE TIME. She needs my attention all the time. She seeks my approval all the time. She wants to know what I enjoy all the time. She wants to tell me what is on her mind all the time.
We've hit a growth spurt, and for a while this momma was forcing a precious girl right back into clothes that are too small. Til I read this, and it all became clear. I no longer do things FOR her but WITH her instead. This slows me down and is cramping my style. I feel like we are at an important crossroads. I can either brush her off because I have more on my plate than ever these days, or I can embrace this new stage of development in our relationship, pray like mad for the physical, mental, and emotional energy to meet her new needs, and draw her closer to me.
And, I can't do this well at all. I realized I've been praying for God to make me sufficient in and of myself to meet her new needs so that I wouldn't need Him anymore. But, things were getting worse instead of better and we were finding ourselves in a place where we didn't even like each other. Til I read this, and cracked down a bit - on her and me.
In my busyness, I no longer look for the easiest way to get her pacified. I stop what I am doing to train her. Sometimes this looks like fun playtime or helping mommy with a chore, and sometimes it is actual discipline. The kind where we take a trip to momma's bed for a come to Jesus meeting. This is taking incredible self discipline - not to react emotionally, to either sin or childish antics, to put off my "to-do" list until naptime, to let getting the laundry started take a half hour because she is helping me, to be willing to finish up after kids are down for the night, to never really be done with the housework for the day. I am thoroughly convinced that I will not say "I wish I had done more laundry" on my deathbed. However, I was on a fast track to saying, "I wish I had been kinder to my daughter and enjoyed her more." in my last days.
Here's to soaking up the blessing of my girl. She blesses me by making me laugh until my sides hurt, by renewing the way I see the world, by causing me to let go a little bit more of my own rightgeousness and claim Christ's all the more. I am so thankful for her.