.... according to Emory:
1.) Mommy's lap must never be empty. If it is ever vacated by a sibling, you must throw all your energy into claiming Mommy's lap for a spell.
2.) If Mommy sleeps too well, she may start to think about adding another sibling. We must avoid this at all costs. If she is in bed by 9:30pm, you must plan to wake her up at 1am and refuse to settle back down. I'll handle the 4am shift.
3.) Mommy likes a challenge. Don't be too content to eat the same foods over and over. Periodically refuse to eat a favorite food.
4.) Mommy has to learn not to leave the bathroom door open. This means you must keep a keen ear listening for the bathroom door to open and not close. Every time she forgets and leaves the bathroom door open, you must punish her by playing in the potty. Be sure to be very messy and get potty water all over everything. Mommy loves to wipe up messes.
5.) Per Mommy's love of wiping up messes, she adores it when you bring her the dog's water bowl, but only if it is full of water.
6.) Keep a close eye on Mommy's body language. If you get the vibe that her back may be sore, you must insist on being held all day long. She'd bever admit it, but she loves to hold a heavy baby when her back hurts.
7.) And since Mommy loves a challenge, if you can tell she is especially tired or has a lot to do, refuse to take a nap. She loves this!
8.) Mommy loves a tease. Even though she is the one who carried you in her womb for 9 months, birthed you, fed you around the clock, and generally tends to your every need, make sure you say "Dada" first. As an added bonus, completely refuse to say "Mama" until you are over 18 months old.
9.) Always be super excited to see Daddy when he comes home, but don't be willing to give Mommy the time of day when she comes back after being gone for a while. Do, however, give her hell when she tries to leave.
10.) If you ever spot a pile of folded laundry, you must scatter it all over the house. Mommy loves this game. She leaves that pile for you to find.
Follow these house rules and your life here will be charming.